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August 2010
August 31st 2010 - I always think about writing to you and wonder what I am going to say on here. It seems that since I'm always thinking about you and talking to you that no matter what I would write, you would already know it.
I had a fun trip last week. It was so nice and warm and relaxing. You would have loved it there Jax. I wish that we could have gone on more vacations. I remember thinking about all the times we would say "when Jacquie gets better" or "when Jacquie can travel" ...we had the whole rest of the world to see, but now we have to do it without you. Angela and I have started training for Kilimanjaro and our hikes have been going pretty good, although I might need to get in a few more if I'm going to make it all the way up to the top it is still really exciting to be a part of something so big, for you. We have some fundraisers planned and some more events and even though it's still 6 months away I can't wait to go. I wonder what it's going to be like to stand all the way up there and be so close to you in heaven?
The 6th will be here soon, I try to avoid thinking about it but its right around the corner. No matter how many days or months or years go by I will remember it like it was yesterday. I sometimes wish I could forget though, but how could I? I don't know how I want to spend the day yet, but I would give my life to be spending it with you. I'm sure mom is going to wat to stay home and dad will go for a ride but I don't want to do either of those things. I don't want to do anything. I just want to see you. I hate to think back and remember how I had to say good-bye, or how we had to leave that night without you. There are so many things we didnt get to do or finish or see. But as you know, we'll keep going, and keep fighting, for you. I love you very much, and I miss you, always. We all do. Keep watching over us Tink and fly high my angel. I Love and miss you.
your big brother.
August 26th 2010 - I saw a poem the other day, and I felt as though the author had witten it for me to say to Jacquie. It was meant to be for her.
If there is happiness in my heart, it's because you helped put it there.
If there is gentleness in my beliefs, it's because you showed me how to care.
If there is understanding in my thinking, it's because you shared your wisdom.
If there is a rainbow over my shoulder, it's because of your outlook and vision.
If there is a knowledge that I can reach out- and I really can make some dreams come true-
it's because I learned from the best teacher of all.
I learned it all from you.
My Darling Jacquie-I still have so many things I want to say to you, so many feeling I want to share with you. I want you to know that you are, without a doubt, one of the best things that ever happened to me in my life. You, TJ and your dad are everything to me. I always knew that wherever you went in life, whatever you chose to do, you would accomplish great things, and you did. You learned that whenever you were in doubt about anything, to trust your intuition and go with your best judgement, because no one knew you better than you knew yourself. You knew to try not to worry if you made a mistake, or had to change direction from time to time, We knew that you still had many more "learning years" ahead of you, at least we thought you had years. You made me feel so special because you knew that if you ever needed help or advice, or just someone to talk to, I would always be here for you in any way that I could be. More than anything, I wish I could see you and tell you while I hold you, "thank you". Thank you for all the smiles and the good times, for the chance to share you life's experiences with you. Thank you for the friendship we share and will always share. Thank you for being the best daughter a mother could ever ask for. No matter what the future brings, whatever difficulties lie ahead now, I will try to do my best to make you proud of me. I will not give up, even though many times I would love to. We will try to get through whatever the upcoming year brings, the way you would want us to, but it would be so much eaiser to deal with if you were at our side with us. Please stay with us.
Jacquie, you are precious to me beyond words, and I will love you forever and ever and always, and longer than that, with all my heart and soul. Goodnight My Angel, sleep tight, I will wait for you in my dreams. Love, your mom
August 21st 2010 - Another Saturday. The 102nd since Jacquie died. I hate Saurdays, Every Saturday I think of our last one with Jacquie. I think of saying goodbye to her, and I think of how much I wanted to go with her. Sadly, another family is now going to be counting days. Kayla died last Sunday, at her home at the age of 21. I don't know if they have yet determined why she died, but she is now an Angel in heaven. And her family and friends are left to ask "why". I didn't know Kayla well, but she was at this years Tinker Ball. She came to share the evening with us, to celebrate Jacquie's life. I don't think she had ever even met Jacquie, but she came to support Jacquie's foundation and her dream. I remember watchng her laugh, and thinking how much she reminded me of Jacquie, and that the two of them would have gotten along so well. I think of her family and all they are going through, and I wish that they didn't have to know how painful their lives will be. I wish they didn't have to say goodbye to Kayla. I wish they didn't have to wonder why her life was cut short when she still had so much to do and see and accomplish. I wish we didn't know what they will have to face in the future. I wish. I wanted to go to the wake, I wanted to see her parents, but I couldn't go. What would I say? How would I be able to tell them how very sorry I am for their loss. What a stupid phrase! It's not a loss, it's a life. How could I go to them, people I have never met before, and tell them my grief is so deep because I am still living through mine? I couldn't find the words to say how sorry I am without being reminded of Jacquie, and that would not be fair to them. So I didn't go. When I can, I will send them a note and I will find the right words to say to them. I hope.
"A daughter needs a mom to teach her that she should know herself better than anyone else does." Yes Jacquie, I think you did. But once again, I don't think you learned that from me.
You always amazed me at how you knew what you wanted, and how to get it. I know that you didn't always feel confident in your decisions and actions, but most of the time you did. You usually knew how you would react to a situation, and could base your response to it by what you wanted the outcome to be. That is not me, not anymore, if ever. I don't know who I am or what I am. I find myself wondering what has become of Sharon. I don't recognize the person I am, and I don't like me this way. There are too many changes in me that I can't control and too many parts of my life that I don't want to continue. My Jacquie, I wish you were here to help me find my way. You could teach me to know myself again, I know you could. There is so much we still haven't done yet, so many times we haven't shared and so many memories we have yet to make. I wish you you make them with me. Yesterday I was so very sad and sepressed, and then I read your guestbook and your friends wrote some messages. I made me smile, because I knew that if they were still writing on your web site, they still remember you. And some of the sadness went away. I still am waiting for you to visit me in my dreams, I hope you come tonight, because I really need you. I miss you, My Jacquie, and I love you. I will love you forever and ever and always, and longer than that, with all my heart and soul. Please don't forget us, we will always be Four. With all my love, mom
August 15th 2010 - It has been a very busy time for us the last month and a half. The Ride for Roswell started our summer off and The Jacquie Hirsch For All Team raised over $24,500 for Roswell. The Tinker Ball came next, another huge success. We are still getting final figures together, but as of now it looks as though our Ball raised about $23,000- WOW!!!! Those funds will go to the foundation and be used for individual donation to patients and families in need, and towards our next gift to Jacquie's Research Project at Roswell. Dr.Wang and Dr. Nowak are gong to be thrilled! The Cruise Against Cancer, held last weekend was incredible. We had over 100 cars, 27 more than last year. We also had a basket raffel, 50/50 raffel, and food. Last year we raised and donated $2300 to Roswell. This year TJ lead about 45 cars in a "parade" down to Roswell after the show and awards were done, and they presented Roswell with a check for $3500!!!! For anyone who has not yet been to a cruise, try to make it next year. It is truly a site to see. Our last fundraiser held yesterday was a garage sale. The gymnastic teams at the gym had their annual fundraiser car wash, so we sold tables to people and had our own fundraiser. Last year we made about $300, this year $434. Each time we hold an event, we have people come to us and tell us what a wonderful thing we are dong, that our cause is so important to continue, and that they are in awe of what we are doing. For everyone reading this, please know that Torey, T.J., Jacquie and I know and BELIEVE with all our hearts, that no matter what we would want to accomplish, or how hard we work, NOTHING would be possible without the never-ending support, work,and help from our family and friends. Our families have given up so much time to be sure these fundraisers succeed. Their weekends are spent blowing up balloons, passing out flyers, making phone calls, writing emails, getting donations, and talking about the foundations to those who don't know why we do what we do. Our friends have helped stuff goody bags, count T-shirts, write thank you notes, make baskets and so much more. We know that no matter how much effort we put into setting up and running an event, it would fail withut those of you who come to it and spend your hard earned money to buy tickets for baskets, 50/50 chances, silent auction items, and foundation merchandise. I think it is Torey, T.J., Jacquie and I who are in awe of all of you. Our ability to continue working towards Jacquie's dream is because of all of YOU. You keep us strong, you keep us determined and you remind us that all things are possible if you BELIEVE. There are no words, only Thank You.
My Darling Daughter Jacquie, it has been a long summer, and it's not over yet. We are already planning for your next events. The Dancers Give Back, Clinic For A Cure, and Vera Party are already being set up. We hope you are pleased and proud of us, all of us- you family and friends. Everyone misses you so veruy much, and is trying so hard to make you see how much we want your dream to come true- for you, for all you went through. I still cannot see why you were taken from us. I don't know that I ever will. But I do know that we will never let you be forgotten and that we will keep working to make our world cancer free. I miss you, My Jacquie. I miss our talks and and miss listening to you share your life with me. I want so much to have you come to me when you get home from being out with your friends and tell me all about your night. I want to go to the mall with you and shop for teaching clothes, and then go out to eat. I want. I wish. I miss you. I will wait to see you in my dreams tonight. I love you, My Jacquie, and I will love you forever and ever and always, and longer than that, with all my heart and soul. Please be proud of us, we are trying so hard for you. Love, your mom
August 10th 2010 - Day 703. Has it really been 703 days since Jacquie was taken from us? It surely must be longer, it must be forever. It has been forever, forever since we touched, or laughed or danced together. Forever since I felt her skin or kissed her head. Forever since our family was whole. I know many of you still think of Jacquie, and that many of you still miss her. But do you even know how hard it is for those who have lost a child to keep going, even after 703 days, The seemingly "little issues" that life throws at us are so much more difficult to handle and cope with. There is that part inside of us that begs to just give up each time we are forced to deal with another "bump in the road". Each time we are reminded of our loved one who is missing, we also are reminded of the lucky ones who have survived, or the "bad people" in our world who don't deserve to survive. The strength we have to get through the difficulties in life comes from our family and those who depend on us. When one of our family are taken from us, some of the strength to keep fighting is taken as well. It is hard to keep moving forward, when eveything inside screams "I want to go back. Back to the way it was before Jacque died". I want to live in the past where there was no pain and heartache, when the four of us were still truly four. When the four of us could do anything, and we could make our dreams come true together. Back when the smile I saw and the laughter I heard was Jacquie's and not a memory. I want to go back, I don't want to have to go forward anymore.
My Darling Jacqueline, try as I may, I feel as though I am failing miserably at trying to live a better life, the way you would want me to. It is so hard to do it without you. I miss you and I don't know what to do, I go to work and do what I have to do, but I just don't know why I bother. I doesn't mean what it used to when you were here, and I can't help but think about all the plans we had. I love you, My Jacquie. I will love you forever and ever and always, and longer than that. I will love you with all my heart and soul and you will never have to doubt my love for you. You will feel my love for you always, and you will live in my heart forever. Love, your mom
August 5th 2010 - The days are long, too long. And they are busy, too busy. There is not enough time to spend at home, and this upsets me and angers me. I feel as though I am leaving Jacquie alone too much. I keep thinking that things will change, but they won't. This is our life and this is the way it will be. I know in my heart that if Jacquie were here, I would feel differently. But she isn't, and I can't help but feel that this is not how I want the rest of my life to be. Each day brings new reminders, memories, of Jacquie and how much she is missed. There are an incredible number of people who miss her and each one of them carries their own memories of what was. When thsese memories are shared with us, it makes me question again- "why"? I couldn't sleep last night, so I was watching "Law and Order". And everytime I watch it, I remember being in New York with Jacquie, because that is where the show takes place. And every once in a while, I recognize someplace we had been to, or passed by, and I wish so much that we could go back to that time. I wish we could have a "do-over". I think of the "firsts" we had there, and the plans we made for coming back. Jacquie had many plans for places to go and things to see once she was better, and didn't have to avoid the crowds. We never had the chance to go back. And Jacquie never had the chance to visit those places. And now in my dreams, I take her there and we do all the things she had planned. But we aren't really there and my heart breaks. I miss her.
My Darling Daughter Jacqueline, I miss you so much. I saw Lorraine and Dawn on Wed. and it made me wish you were with us. I love you, My Jacquie, and I will love you, with all my heart and soul, forever and ever and always, and longer than that. I am waiting for you in my dreams and I know you know how much I need you to stay with me and not ever leave me. I love you, love your mom
July 31st 2010 - Dearest Jacquie- Today was to have been your second birthday of your second transplant. Remember how we planned to celebrate all the birthdays? You had your "real birthday", then the birthday of your first transplant, and then, what was to be your last birthday date- beause the second transplant was going to be the magic one. The one that gave you the rest of your life. What a lucky girl to have 3 birthdays! I remember you asking if I would make you strawberry cupcakes with strawberry frosting for all your birthdays, and I told you I would make them for you, not only on all your birthdays, but all your "un-birthdays" too. You also wanted to know if you would get presents for all of the birthdays, and of course, I said "yes". I bought you a present yesterday, it is a beautiful Jim Schoor Tinkerbell clock. I will put it near you so you will be able to see it, and you will be reminded about how much we love you and miss you. I will keep buying you presents on all your birthdays, so you never have to wonder if we remember. And when I am picking them out, I will be able to imagine and dream about how much you would have enjoyed opening them up and being surprised. I wish I could have made cupcakes for you today. I wish you could have been here to lick the bowl and tease TJ about you having more batter than he did. I wish you had been here to blow out your candles. I wish.
Once again, cancer has entered the life of someone we care about. Please say a prayer for Claire, who was just diagnosed with breast cancer. She will begin her fight at Roswell and we want her her have all our support.
Fudd's surgery went well, and we are hopinhg he will soon be able to leave Roswell and go home with his family where he belongs.
And to all our many other friends who continue the journey through hell. remember we are with you and you are not walking alone. I wish we could help more. I wish we could change things. I wish.
To my Beautiful Daughter, thank you for the love you gave us all, and for the people you brought into our lives. You continue to inspire us and to push us to be better people, to be more than we think we can be. The lives you have touched continue to touch others. Someday, when we are together again, I will hold you and tell you about everyone who has shared "Jacquie stories" with us. I will wait for that day, I hope it is not too long. My Jacquie, I will love you forever and ever and always, with all my heart and soul, and longer than that. Happy Birthday Jacquie. Love, your mom
July 29th 2010 - Day 691. I miss you, My Jacquie. Every minute of every day. The reminders never go away. I watch TV and all the advertisments for "back to school" are on. Why are you not getting your classroom ready? Why are we not shopping for your new "teaching clothes"? Why? I know you were there with us Tuesday night, and we know you are the reason you dad is ok. But why aren't you HERE with us and ok with us? I am so very tired, I just want to go to bed and wake up with you here where you belong. I just want to stop hurting. I miss you, My Daughter, and all the time in the world will not change that. I will love you forever and ever and always, with all my heart and soul, and longer than that. And soon, we will be together again. Love, your mom
July 25th 2010 - Dearest Jacquie, It is Sunday and the sun is trying very hard to ge through the clouds. There is a nice breeze and it's not too hot. We should be together today. We could be sitting on the deck or taking Shelby for a walk. Or we could be going to the mall to shop for things you don't really need, then going out to eat food that really isn't good for us. But we should be together, and we are not. Last night your dad and I went to our 35th high school reunion. It made me remember a lot of events and peope, but most all of the memories of my life are of after you and TJ were born. They are my best memories, the ones I cherish most, and the ones that keep me from losing my mind. We stopped at the Wilson's for a little while for their annual chowder party, and the thought in my mind the whole time I was there with your friends, was "where is Jacquie"? I read the post from Alicia and I felt so bad for her, knowing that her heart is still broken and always will be. She is right. Time doesn't mean anything when it is your heart that has lost a loved one. Your mind may tell you one thing, but it is the heart that must find a way to keep beating. With you gone, each beat of my heart hurts, each breath I take is for the ones you no longer take. I continue to hear the words of family and friends who care about us. They try to comfort and tell us things will get better. And their words do help, they give some peace and some reassurance that life will go on. But none of them can know, without going through it themselves, how hard it still is. And I pray every day that no one else has to go through such a horrible loss. But still, we continue to hear about more cancer diagnosis. And it saddens me to know that there will be families forced to live with the pain as we are. Jacquie, I know you are happy and pain free now, and for that I will be forever grateful. I wait for the day when we are all together again, and our pain will come to an end as well. I wake up waiting for the time I can go back to bed, and have you visit me in my dreams. I want to hold you as I once did, and will again someday. I want to sing to you and with you, and I want to see you smile and hear your laughter again. My Jacquie, I will love you forever and ever and alwaysand longer than that, with all my hearts and soul, love your mom
July 20th 2010 - Hey pal, I came home after long day today and just as I started flipping through the channels to see what was on.... I found "wipeout." I began to smile and laugh right away....... I remember all those nights in Roswell we would sit together and no matter how good or bad of a day you had, no matter how tired out and how much you were hurting we had that hour of smiles and laughter at the end of the day. I can still hear your laugh, and still see your big smile at the sight of all these ridiculous people. Imagining you laying there with your bald head and glasses and hoodie brings tears to my eyes, I would give anything in the world to go back and share those days again. Even if it meant that we were still fighting, it would mean that you would still be here.
I hope you know how much I love and miss you. We had such a great success at the Ride again this year and so much fun at The Ball. We won another award from Roswell at the ride and at the Ball we donated another $32,000! That makes $100,000 for research so far! We are all trying very hard & staying busy....but I think you already know that. I guess most of it is really because we miss you so much and want to continue remembering you, but sometimes I can't help but think it's just because we don't know what else to do without you. The time that we would spend talking, or going out to eat or doing anything with you is all filled up now. It's filled up because I think it's easier being busy than feeling sad and angry and missing you so much. But at least we're getting a lot done and making some important progress with your foundation and at the gym and the building. I hope that we are making you very proud, Jax, to see all that we are doing, for you and because of you. I hope that you are happy and not hurting anymore. Please come visit me soon so I can see you again. I love you with all of my heart. love always, your sentinel.
July 18th 2010 - Dear Jacquie, how can I begin to thank you? How can I tell you what your life has given to all of us? The Tinker Ball was wonderful!! I know you were there, and you shared the whole evening with us. I know you were because I felt you holding my hand. And I know you saw and felt the incredible amount of love for you in that room. And that love is what I want to thank you for. The person that you are is what brought every person to the Ball. Your life is surrounded by the most wonderful people. Your friends and family came from near and far to celebrate you life. Hawaii, Illinois, Penn., Georgia, Arizona, and Germany, to name a few. And all of them were there for you! It was a very proud moment when I looked around the room and realized that our daughter/sister brought all these people together to help us make your dream come true. Thank you for being who you are, someone who others would want to be like and would want to support. Your friends and family made the night a success. Without their help and hard work, none of it would have happened. No matter how much your dad, TJ and I would work to organzie the Ball, if people didn't come, our efforts would be for nothing. I know you saw the gowns and tuxedos, and how I wish you would have been there to dance. Your friends knew how hard the evenig would be without you, and they made sure I knew that they missed you too. You were everyhere. in pictures, in the music, and in our hearts. You made the evening special and memorable for all of us. I hope you are proud of what your family and friends accomplished. And I hope you know we are nowhere near finished. We still have much to do for you.
My Darling, I miss you and I would have not made it through the night without all the truly special people that you brought into our lives. How is it possible that in your too short time here with us, you managed to bring so many people together for a cause.? How is it possible that your dad, TJ and I have not had to find a way to make your dream come true alone? How can we express our thanks and gratitude to all those who made your night possible? And once again, how can we thank you for bringing those people into our lives? I am desparate to be with you again, to hold you and kiss you, and touch you. I don't know when that will be, but until then, I know I have your family and friends next to me, to all of us, to keep us moving forward. Thank you, Jacquie, for not leving us alone.
Please say a prayer for Stan, Kathy and Bev. Each of them is fighting their own battle and need our love and prayers. As we found out, everyone needs all the support and love that is possible, and we know Jacquie's web site can provide that for them
My Wonderful Daughter Jacqueline Elisabeth, oh how I miss you. I missed you when I was dressing for the Ball, and needed help with my jewelry. I missed you telling me my hair was sticking out of the bobby pins. I missed sharing secrets about how silly some people danced, and I missed being one of them you thought looked silly I missed you so much at your Tinker Ball- you should have been ther next to us. Please remember that I need you, I am not able to do this alone, so don't leave me. I am waiting for you in my dreams, and each night I hold you tight in my arms and in my heart. I will wait to be with you again. Until then, I will love you forever and ever and always, with all my heart and soul, and even longer than that. Thank you My Jacquie. Love, your mom
July 15th 2010 - My Dearest Daughter Jacquie- We just arrived home from Sean Patrick's after setting up for the Tinker BAll. All your family was there to help, and many of your friends. It didn't take long because there were so many to pitch in, and it was much easier than last year because we were more organized. You are going to be so proud, Jacquie, when you see how we will be honoring you. You are going to be amazed when you look down on us and watch us celebrate our love for you. And you will also feel our pain, as you hear how much we wish you were with us. There is no way to tell you how hard it will be, once again, to be in a room filled with your family and friends, your doctors and nurses, Herbie and Kevin and the others from Roswell, and KNOW that you should be with us. And yes, before you say it, I know you will be there with us, but again, you will still be missing. And I will still have to ask WHY? Jacquie, I beg you, please visit me in my dreams tonight. I can't do this without you. I have to know that you are still with me. I have to know that you still love me. I have to see you and feel you and hold you. You have to try to understand that I need you to always be with me. Please.
Please say a prayer for our dear friend, Kathy, just diagnosed with breast cancer. She underwent surgery today, and we must BELIEVE that she will be ok.
Please remember Cindy and Peter tonight in your prayers. Today, they buried their only daughter in Arlington National Cemetary with full military honors. Jenna, I hope you and Jacquie find each other and become friends. I think you would have a lot to share and would have a special friendship. Cindy and Peter, we are always here for you.
My Jacquie, I have to end my writing now, I cannot continue. Never forget how much we miss you, or how empty our lives are without you. Always remember that I will love you forever and ever and always, and longer than that- with all my heart and soul. You are my "Rainbow Connection". I love you Jacquie, your mom
July 10th 2010 - Another Saturday night. The 96th since Jacquie died. 672 days. I wonder how many others are still counting the days since their loved ones were taken from them. We can't seem to ever get away from hearing about newly diagnosed friends, or relatives of friends. When does it end? How long can this go on? How can lives keep being destroyed while we wait for a cure?
Jacquie came to see me last night in my dreams. It was very strange. In the dream, the doctors were all standing around her bed at Roswell and they were talking to her. They were telling her she would get better and be ok. Jacquie didn't say anything. She just looked at me, and then I started to cry. Then I had to tell the doctors that it would never be ok because Jacquie wasn't really there anymore. She was only in the bed because she knew I needed to see her again, so she came back to see me. I woke up crying and looking for her, needing to see her and touch her. I am waiting to be with her again. I am waiting for her to come to me in my dreams again, it seems that is the only time I feel she is safe. I know she is always with me, and I am always begging her to never leave me. I think she knows that I can't bear the thought of her being gone. Jacquie knows that I need the 4 of us to be together, forever.
In 6 days, we will be hosting Jacquie's 2nd Annual Tinker Ball. I hope she knows that no matter what happens, there are so many people working very hard to make it a success. We all want Jacquie to be proud of us, and are doing everything is our power to make it happen. We still have tickets available and I hope we don't by the night of the Ball.
Please say a prayer for my new friend's dad, Sam, who was recently diagnosed with colon cancer. He is doing well right now, but I know that this web site has many people who will keep him in their thoughts and prayers. There can never be too many people praying for remission.
My Jacquie, My Daughter, My Angel, I miss you. The days go by and time goes on, but the pain remains. You are everywhere. The postings from family and friends on your guestbook prove that. It is one of the few things that give me comfort these days, having people write to us and tell us stories about how you continue to be part of the life they are living. You are alive in those stories and you are alive in our hearts. You always will be. We are 4, now and forever. I love you, My Jacquie, with all my heart and soul, and I will love you forever and ever and always, and longer than that. I will wait to see you in my dreams until we are together again. Love, your mom
July 5th 2010 - My Jacquie, yesterday was the 4th of July, and just like last year, we were remembering your last 4th of July at home. You were on a short "break" from Roswell, the doctors had given you a few days to come home between your last round of chemo and your preparation for your second transplant. I remember so well, you asking if you could go with "The Boys" and "The Ciao Bellas" to watch fireworks. I was a mess, wanting so badly to say no, to keep you home where I could watch you, make sure you were ok, and that you weren't with anyone who might be a hazard to you. I worried about you taking your meds, staying hydrated and getting overtired. I worried about you being in a car with someone other than your day, TJ or me driving. I worried about everything. But I let you go. And on Sunday, I relived it all again. And I wonder if I should have done anything any differently. I will never know if it would have made a difference. I think of that a lot, what I did or didn't do and how it may have changed the outcome. I will always wonder if the decisions we made were the right ones.. I am so sorry, Jacquie.
When you were young, I thought of what your future would be like. I wondered if you would fly to the moon, but always knew you were own little star. I knew you could, and would, do anything you set your mind to do or accomplish. I saw that you would be a strong leader, you were always so strong in your convictions. You would be able to move mountains, for yourself and for others. You would teach and share your enthusiasm for learning with all your students. You had so much promise, so much to give to the world. But you were taken from us before you had the chance to make your dreams come true. It doesn't change how proud we are of you. We are in awe of the woman you have become. You have given all of us a reason to go on without you. You have challenged us to make your wish come true. And we will. But it is so hard to live up all we know you want us to do. How did you do it Jacquie? How did you keep fighting, keep going in spite of everything you were going through? I find myself wanting to give up so often. And then I think of you and I know that I can't. But as we get closer to the Tinker Ball, I realize that somehow I have failed to make it all we wanted it to be. And how can I have done that to you. I am sorry Jacquie, I am so very sorry.
I love you, My Jacquie, and I will love you forever and ever and always, and longer than that, with all my heart and soul- until we are together again. Love your mom
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